


Always With You

by MsYukari



Series: Memories From Before [5]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Blood Drinking, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Smut, Comfort Sex, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Feelings, Grief/Mourning, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by True Blood (TV), Lesbian Vampires, Making Love, Memories From Before series, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, Sequel, Series, Shameless Smut, Slow Dancing, Sorry not sorry but this first chapter is sad, Tenderness, Time Skips, True Blood References, Vampire Bites, Vampire Sex, Vampires, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-04 06:35:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsYukari/pseuds/MsYukari
Summary: So, this idea started as a one shot and then I decided to make it into a little 3 chapter arc that is part of the Memories From Before series. It takes place 40 years after my one shot Strangely Beautiful. This fic will follow a particular event that happens in Joan and Vera's lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is sad and full of feels. I promise the next chapters after this will still have feels but won't be this level of sadness.

It was sunny outside. How strange that the weather could be so beautiful on a day where Joan felt like her world was falling apart. It would have been more fitting if it was raining because the rain would have matched her sadness... her grief.

Standing now, she thought about how this day was inevitable. It was going to happen anyway. It was one of the few disadvantages to becoming a vampire. Although this was the first time she'd ever felt this way since she became one. She didn't think she'd ever have to go through this. It wasn't until Vera opened her heart that she felt the wound touch deep inside. Love was a painful feeling. It left so much for happiness and so much for heartbreak.

A soft and small hand held hers and she looked down into Vera's sad and warm blue eyes and could feel her pain, her sadness, and her love all at once. Joan looked down and tried not to cry. She didn't want to cry in front of these people. There were tears everywhere and many of these people were her family but she was not one to express her emotions in public. That was only reserved in private, and only usually reserved for her wife.

Aaron and Vincent were close by and she knew Aaron was sad, but he had gone through this so much in his life. Joan was just beginning to feel this type of pain, as was Vera. As the years had gone by, Joan had watched Shayne and Julie's family grow. Amelia and Gabe were standing near the casket and she watched as they laid roses onto it.

Their mother had died a few years ago and that was very hard on them. Joan had tried to be there for them but she wasn't always good at words. She wasn't good at comforting others, at least people who weren't her wife. Even though she loved Amelia and Gabe, she didn't always know how to respond to them. Vera did though. Vera had been strong and gave them the emotional support they needed.

Joan had tried but she never thought it was good enough. She felt a smaller hand touch hers and she looked down to see Gabe's youngest son. She glanced at Vera who was talking to Gabe and Amelia and their spouses and she bit her lip. He was clearly looking to her for comfort.

She crouched down and looked into his eyes. “Hello there, young man,” she said and smiled gently.

He looked confused and she took him and sat down on one of the chairs during the funeral. He sat next to her and continued to hold her hand. He looked like his parents and a little bit of Amelia with dark hair and olive skin, but he had blue eyes and she was reminded of Vera as she looked into them.

“Why are you sad?” He asked.

Her breath hitched. “I'm sad because today is a sad day.”

“Because Grandpa died?”

Hearing him say that to her made it all the more real. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, nodding her head.

“Yes, Michael. I'm sad because Grandpa died,” she said as her breath caught.

She opened her eyes as he slid onto her lap and she tensed and then relaxed as he wrapped his arm around her neck, looking into her eyes. He was a sweet young boy and he reached up and touched her cheek.

“I think vampires are sadder than humans.”

Joan furrowed her eyebrows. “Oh? Why is that?”

“Because you haven't cried.”

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek and she felt her resolve start to crumble as he hugged her tightly.

“It's okay to be sad. Mummy always says it's okay to be sad,” he whispered.

Joan felt tears slide down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around him. She held back a sob and swallowed painfully. She held his small body in her arms and didn't know how to process how a young child was able to comfort her. He kissed her cheek again as he hugged her and she pulled back to look at him, smiling gently.

“You're a very smart and sweet little boy. So much like Grandpa,” she said as she held him.

He smiled at her and they sat together for some time until he fell asleep in her arms. She kissed his forehead and then looked up as Amelia gently took him from her arms.

“I'm sorry Aunty, I didn't realize he was bothering you. I promised to take Michael home because Gabe needed a break,” she said quietly.

Joan shook her head and stood up slowly, resting her hand on Amelia's shoulder.

“He wasn't a bother. He's sweet. Reminds me of you and Gabe... and your father,” she said and smiled tenderly as she reached up to stroke his hair.

Amelia smiled. “Aunty Joan, you and Aunty Vera are coming back to the house aren't you? I know you don't need to eat but if you'd like there will still be food there.”

Joan nodded. “I'm sure Vera wouldn't want to miss eating from a cheese platter,” she said and chuckled softly.

Amelia smiled warmly as she walked away with the sleeping boy in her arms. “We'll see you soon,” she called.

Joan sighed and brought her hand up to her eyes. She could feel Vera's love and worry along with her sadness and she turned around to see her standing behind her.

“Joan...” She said softly.

She looked at Vera and slowly walked over to his casket. It was made out of a beautiful wood and gleamed in the sun. Many had left and she was the only one there with Vera.

She placed a rose onto the casket and glanced at the tombstones that were near him. His beloved wife and... his mother.

Joan held Vera's hand tightly. “Mother and son are finally reunited,” she sobbed quietly.

Her hand was shaking as she covered her mouth, staring down at the casket and then looking at Jianna's grave. She had wanted these last few moments before they lowered Shayne into the ground.

Her breath hitched. “He was such a beautiful man,” she said and cried.

Vera wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tightly. “I know how much you loved him. I loved him too. He was a beautiful soul,” she said gently.

“Do you think he knows how much he was loved?”

“Yes... I believe so,” Vera said softly. “He knows how much _you_ loved him,” she said and rubbed Joan's back.

Joan felt tense as she looked down at his casket, staring at the roses.

“I'm so proud of you. I can't stress that enough. You always made me proud. You were so loved, and I'll miss you... your mother can be with you now,” she said raggedly.

She walked over and knelt next to Jianna's grave, placing flowers there for her. She looked up at Vera as she walked over to her and placed her hand on her shoulder.

Joan cleared her throat and traced her name on the tombstone. “My Jianna, you take good care of him. I know you will. Now you can finally rest in peace. Shayne led such a happy life and I'm happy. I'm... sorry for how long it took me to get there,” she said and her face crumpled as she covered her face with her hand.

Vera squeezed her shoulder and she reached up to cover her hand.

“What matters is that you did find happiness, Joan,” she said gently, squeezing her shoulder and rubbing gently.

Joan nodded. “I just... I shouldn't have wasted so much time,” she said sadly.

“Sometimes things just happen the way they're supposed to. Maybe you needed to do what you did in order to see it,” Vera said softly.

Joan considered her words and stood up. She sighed and nodded as the casket was lowered into the ground, her tears flowing freely.

“Goodbye,” she said and walked back with Vera to her car.

They returned home after going to Amelia's and Joan thought their house looked different. They had moved to a new and bigger house after so many years. She did teaching now instead of working at a prison. She eventually had to leave that job when it was becoming odd at her inability to physically age. Over time, however, the existence of vampires came to be known to the public, and now they co-existed among humans. It was difficult at first and they'd had their challenges along the way with fear and hate, but after so many years, they finally found some equal ground to be able to live alongside each other.

Technology had changed but not overly so and she was happy that both she and Vera taught criminal psychology together at university. It was odd that she went into this field. She used to scoff at Westfall over it, but now she saw the importance of it. It took her long enough but it was a field of subject she finally enjoyed. Teaching was also something she enjoyed more than she thought she would.

She walked into their bedroom and laid down, suddenly feeling very tired. Vera came in and took off her clothes, leaving on a camisole and underwear. Joan felt cold and wrapped her arms around herself, unable to get warm.

The bed dipped and Vera caressed her back. Her beautiful Vera was trying to be sensitive and comfort her. She'd been there for Joan to support her for so long now, and while they'd both gone through changes in their life and through their marriage, they still managed to make time for the other when it really mattered. She stroked Joan's hair and helped her out of her clothes, leaving Joan in a shirt as she shivered a little.

“Vera... he's gone,” she said and sniffled as she began to break down.

Vera wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. Joan could feel her love and her grief as Vera kissed her face. She cried against Vera's neck as she remembered Shayne when he was born, and the few times she watched him growing up, then later the memories of when he came back into her life.

Vera held her and kissed her hair, her face and lips. She looked into her eyes and she felt a pain and grief so strong she wasn't sure if she'd survive it. Vera's eyes teared up as she stroked her cheeks.

“Oh, baby he led such a long life and he was very loved. He was 80-years-old and very sick. It was time,” Vera said gently.

“My heart is breaking,” Joan sobbed.

“I know... I know. Mine is too,” Vera said and held Joan's head against her chest.

“He believed in life after death... and I never did until the last few years. I hate to think about nothing being there. I hate thinking of it just ending. He deserves more than for it to just stop into nothingness. He has to be with Jianna,” she whimpered.

“He's with her,” she said tenderly and kissed Joan's lips.

Joan lifted her hand and pressed it against her heart. “How do I cope with this? It hurts.”

Vera looked into her eyes and stroked her hair. “I know... it hurts me too. It will take time, Joan. You're grieving, and this brings up grief about Jianna too. It's okay.”

Joan nodded and thought of Jianna holding Shayne as a child and then embracing him as a young man. She liked thinking of him when he was young and full of life.

Vera kissed her and she sighed softly into her mouth and pressed her against the bed, kissing her harder. She kept kissing Vera and lifted off the camisole with her own shirt, and moaned as she pressed their naked skin against each other.

“Joan... stop,” Vera said softly as she kissed and bit her neck.

“Vera... please I need something to distract me from the pain I feel,” she said raggedly.

“I know... let me touch you. Let me make love to you... please,” Vera said softly as she looked into her eyes.

Joan needed comfort and for some reason her body wanted to feel some kind of release. It was an odd feeling because she just wanted to lose herself in her wife, but she was also afraid she couldn't.

Vera kissed her again. “Let me...”

Joan trembled and nodded as she laid onto her back, watching as Vera pressed her body between hers. She kissed her deeply and tenderly, her hands caressing her skin. Firm and tender touches as she spread Joan's legs and cupped her, rubbing back and forth.

She could feel Vera's love and desire and her eyes were half lidded as she began to grind against her hand.

“Vera,” she breathed.

She panted and rocked against Vera's hand as she kissed her deeply. Vera rolled her tongue over hers and sucked her lip and she arched against her as Vera kissed her neck and throat, biting her neck as she fed from her. She gasped as Vera drank her blood, rubbing her wet lips.

“I need you,” she gasped.

Vera licked her throat, kissing it as she lifted her face and her fangs were showing as she leaned down and kissed her. She felt her fangs gently touch her lips and Vera retracted them back.

“You have me,” Vera said and kissed her neck and collarbones.

Joan shivered as her mouth kissed down her body, soft and warm against her skin. Soft and tender open mouth kisses that made her feel desired and wanted. Vera's lips were so soft and wet, and they sucked her skin, making her shiver. Vera spread her legs and placed her mouth on her sex, sucking gently. She gave herself over to the feeling and spread her legs wider, bending her knees. Vera moaned against her and she felt her tongue licking firmly against her wet lips, and she closed her eyes as she panted and slowly rocked and rolled her hips.

Vera's hands caressed her thighs and she shivered as she felt her tongue inside her, softly licking and thrusting and she squeezed her tongue. She moaned when she felt those soft lips around her clit as she started to lick and suck. It was overwhelming to her as Vera sucked harder, licking softly.

She lifted her hips and whimpered as Vera held her hips down. She reached down and stroked Vera's hair, her legs shaking. Her fingers slipped inside and stroked deeply as she sucked strongly and she looked down to see Vera's eyes watching her. She arched her back and her body was shaking. Vera curled her fingers inside and she moaned as she tensed and came, holding Vera's head between her legs.

She shivered, breathless as Vera licked and kissed her gently, moving up to hold her. Joan kissed her deeply and tenderly, holding her tight.

Her eyes were closed as Vera kissed her cheeks and she realized that she'd started crying. Vera kissed her tears gently and then her lips. She tasted herself mixed with her tears. Vera looked into her eyes and stroked her hair and cheek.

Joan closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her, crying against her neck. Vera held her tightly and whispered words of comfort to her, stroking her hair and skin.

“I'm sorry,” Joan gasped.

“Shh... let it go. It's okay, Joan,” she whispered and kissed her forehead.

Joan was so tense that she trembled and squeezed Vera tightly as she let out her grief, sobbing into her neck. Her body shook with her sobs, and Vera laid them down onto their sides and covered them with a blanket.

“I love you, Joan. I'm always going to love you,” Vera said, her breath hitching.

Joan couldn't speak as she felt her love through their connection. She clicked her fangs out and gently bit her, sucking her blood.

Vera sighed softly and stroked her hair as she bit harder and drank deeply. She wasn't hungry but she needed the taste of her blood to soothe her. She needed that intimate connection in knowing Vera was hers and only hers.

She sucked for a while, drinking her blood and Vera moaned softly. Joan normally touched Vera during this but she suddenly didn't have the energy to give to her, and she felt guilty. She lifted her face from her neck and looked at her.

“I-I want to but I don't think I have--”

Vera kissed her lovingly. “It's okay. I understand. Please don't feel guilty. I wanted to make love to you and I don't need anything in return. I love you,” she whispered.

Joan felt fresh tears fill her eyes and she wrapped her arms around her, resting her head against her breasts.

“I love you too,” she said and listened to her heartbeat.

She was so glad that Vera became a vampire because if it was this hard to lose Shayne, Joan didn't think she could survive if Vera stayed human and died one day. She wouldn't have been able to cope and she wouldn't have wanted to. She squeezed Vera and kissed her breasts, nuzzling them as Vera kept stroking through her hair. Joan relaxed slowly, closing her eyes.

“I'm getting tired,” Joan said and furrowed her eyebrows.

Vera made a soft sound of amusement and kissed her forehead. “Sleep and I'll wake you later.”

“I don't know why I'm tired. I can usually last longer than this,” she said, her voice slurring.

Vera stroked her hair and back, slow in her touches as she held her. She kissed along her hairline and squeezed her.

“It's been a long day. You're emotionally exhausted. Go to sleep, and I'll watch over you,” Vera said quietly.

“You promise you won't leave?” She asked in a small voice.

“I'll never leave you,” Vera said and brushed her lips across her forehead.

Joan nodded and relaxed more as she breathed softly and evenly. Her body was growing heavy against Vera and she was half awake as she lifted her hand and wrapped it around Vera's waist.

“Thank you,” Joan whispered.

Vera caressed her back and Joan was starting to fall asleep. The last words she heard were whispered against her ear.

“Always with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this was something I've thought about doing when I first ended Memories From Before. I just waited to do this type of story in this universe because I wanted to do the others first. I also decided to turn this into a 3 chapter fic so you could see more of how they've dealt with Shayne's death. In my head canon he died from most health problems that older people get around the age of 80. It is not specific and not meant to be since the how and why he died isn't as important as Joan's grief over it. Joan might seem very emotional here but... you know when someone is grieving this can happen. 
> 
> And for someone like Joan who holds a lot of things in, and vampire Joan in my story has stronger feelings than a human, these are all coming up to the surface on top of her remembering losing Jianna. Losing Shayne in some ways is a last link to Jianna, even if she still has all his children and grandchildren around her. There is a special kind of loss with him that I wanted to focus on.
> 
> The next two chapters will take place after this and I hope others enjoy them, and I even hope this one was somewhat enjoyable or readable at least even though it was sad. Not everything in life is happy and I wanted to be realistic for the first chapter to something Joan and Vera would have had to deal with as time goes by and they never age.


	2. Chapter 2

Vera was sitting next to Joan as they watched Amelia and Gabe take their children, getting ready for them to be put to bed. Gabe and his wife were staying the night with Amelia and her husband and the children were all each sharing a bed in each other's rooms.

Joan turned to her and she smiled as Michael ran up and hugged them. Michael was the youngest of the children at 5-years-old and he had developed a close bond with Joan. He was shy and quiet and something about him made Joan melt inside.

“Goodnight Aunty Vera,” he whispered and kissed her cheek.

“Goodnight sweetheart,” she said, watching as he turned to Joan and hugged her a little bit longer.

He softly kissed her cheek and Joan wrapped her arms around him and kissed his forehead, stroking his hair.

“Goodnight Michael,” Joan said softly, smiling.

Gabe smiled warmly at them. “Come on Michael, it's time for bed. Santa won't come until you're asleep,” Gabe said and winked at Vera.

“Goodnight Aunty Joan,” he said and Vera smiled as he walked away with his father.

Joan turned towards her and Vera saw that she looked a little tired. “Ready to go home?”

“Yes, I am,” Joan said quietly.

They said their goodbyes to the others and slowly made their way home. As they drove, they passed by houses that were lit up with Christmas lights. Soft Christmas music played and Joan reached over and took Vera's hand, holding it.

Vera smiled at their house that was covered in soft white twinkling lights complete with a Christmas reef on the front door. They had decorated every year since that first Christmas together. Each year they tried to do something special. They'd made it a tradition to see a play every year and they saw _A Christmas Carol_ a few days ago.

Joan took her hair out of its ponytail and ran her fingers through it as she slipped off her sandals and placed them near the door. Vera smiled and did the same. Joan looked so attractive in just a v-neck shirt and shorts. It was simple and casual and Joan gently fiddled with the infinity necklace around her neck as she looked inside the living room.

“It's so... quiet,” she said softly.

Vera lifted her eyebrow. “It's usually quiet...”

Joan looked at her and Vera wasn't sure what was going on. She looked confused and she could feel sadness from her but also happiness and love. Vera watched her as she walked up to the tree and turned on the lights. The tree lit up in gentle multi colored twinkly lights, and Vera walked up to the tree and grabbed a small gift.

“I think it would be appropriate to give this to you now,” she said softly.

Joan looked at the small box in her hand and took it, smiling as she opened it slowly. Vera smiled as Joan chuckled and took out a small ornament.

“I think this is the best ornament you've given me.”

She hung the ornament that was a gold crown on the tree. She'd looked for a new ornament for Joan this year and she stumbled upon the gold crown and knew she had to get it.

“Shiny little crown,” Joan said and kissed her softly, wrapping her arm around her waist.

Vera looked at their tree that had a mix of traditional colored bulbs and crystal figurines that reflected the lights. She smiled at the cupcake ornament that Joan had given her during their first Christmas together. Other ornaments were a couple pictures of them as well as Shayne and Julie and group photos of them and their children. Joan lifted her hand to touch a Harry Potter ornament that Aaron had given her.

“How many times have you read Harry Potter now?” Vera asked.

Joan smirked. “Too many times to count.”

Vera giggled. “And you weren't sure if you'd like them.”

“I know. I'm glad he proved me wrong... for once.”

“Now, you know just as much trivia as he does about the books.”

“Hmm... perhaps more so," Joan said, smiling.

“I think I'm going to change into my pajamas,” Vera said.

Joan kissed her forehead. “Don't be gone too long.”

Vera walked into their bedroom and quickly changed into her pajamas, brushing through her hair as she wore a lace camisole with matching boyshorts. Joan had bought her these not too long ago and loved to see her wear them. It was so hot out during the day that she decided this would be good for tonight. She walked down the hall and hesitated as she felt sadness from Joan. She looked into the living room and Joan was holding a photo album.

She flipped through it and smiled gently, touching the pictures in the album. Vera's eyes softened as she realized that Joan was looking at pictures of Shayne. She heard sniffling and her heart broke. She slowly walked over to Joan and sat down next to her.

“It's the first year without him,” Joan said sadly, her voice breaking.

Vera rubbed her back, reaching up to stroke her hair as Joan looked through the pictures. She touched one and smiled at a group photo of them together at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

“They forced me to go,” Joan said, a smirk on her face.

Vera smiled. “You went because of Gabe and Amelia and if I'm not mistaken, I believe you enjoyed our time there despite the crowds. I saw how you looked at the two of them playing around. And Aaron was filling himself up on Butterbeer and you were doing the same.”

“Hmm... well, it was good,” Joan said and smiled.

She flipped to a page where Joan was holding a baby and she realized it was when Amelia was first born. Another picture showed Shayne with his arm around Julie when Gabe was born, smiling up at the camera.

More pictures were of Shayne and the children growing up and Joan touched a picture of him kissing Joan on the cheek with his arms around her. She looked shocked and startled in the picture and Vera smiled, resting her head on her shoulder as they looked through the album.

“I miss him too,” Vera said softly.

Joan teared up. “He was as close to a son as I'll ever have.”

Vera turned towards her, looking into her eyes. Tears streamed down her face and Vera cupped her cheek, wiping at them with her thumb.

“We adopted him so he was your son. Our son.”

Joan nodded and Vera hugged her, closing her eyes when Joan buried her face against her neck, crying softly. Vera stroked her hair and held her, crying with her for she too felt the loss of Shayne and it reminded her of when they lost Julie too. Joan loved Julie as well but Shayne was the last tie to Jianna and she knew Joan was thinking of her and reliving that grief.

“I'm sorry...” Joan cried.

“It's okay, Joan. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. I love you,” Vera said softly, stroking her hair. Joan trembled and she wrapped her arms around her tighter. They stayed that way for some time until Joan's sobs seemed to lessen and quiet, until she was more relaxed. Vera caressed her body, trying as much as she could to comfort her.

Joan pulled back and kissed her softly. “I'm sorry I haven't always been... I haven't always wanted to... haven't always felt like--”

“Shh... you've been grieving and if that means you're not always in the mood to make love, I understand. I'm perfectly happy to hold you at night,” she said tenderly and kissed her back.

Joan smiled gently. “Thank you. I'm happy with that too... I just—I want to be with you.”

Vera took her by the hand and led them back into their bedroom, sitting down on the bed. She stroked her hair and laid back as she brought Joan's head against her breasts. The older woman sighed softly and wrapped her arms around her.

“Don't rush or force it. Just take it one day at a time. There is no timetable for grief,” she said softly.

“When did you become so wise?” Joan asked and nuzzled her breasts.

Vera smirked as she pressed her legs against Joan's, entangling them together. “After so many years of being married to my Maker,” she said and kissed her forehead.

Joan made a sound of amusement and moved her head up to look into her eyes. Vera helped her out of her clothes and Joan slowly removed hers. They laid under the sheets and Joan reached up to stroke the swell of her breasts. It felt so nice that she took her hand and placed it over her breast and Joan squeezed it.

“Do you remember when I had to command you to drink the synthetic blood?”

“Yes, I remember I didn't want to. I was so used to the real thing and I didn't want to drink something that humans had created. Why?”

“Do you ever regret that I'm your Maker? Do you ever want to no longer be under my control?”

Vera knew this was a sensitive subject for Joan. She was a little insecure about it whenever Vera got even mildly annoyed with her whenever she commanded her to do something.

“No, I never regret. I love that we share each other's blood since you turned me. I've learned so much from you and I wouldn't have if you weren't my Maker, just like I wouldn't have if you weren't my mentor at Wentworth.”

Joan smiled. “I miss those days.”

“I do too. I miss how you strut around barking orders at the prisoners and officers,” Vera said, smiling back.

Joan laughed lightly and kissed her neck, wrapping her arms and legs around her. It was such an intimate embrace and Vera caressed her back, breathing in the scent of Joan which was light sandalwood and vanilla.

Joan felt so soft and smelled so good and Vera looked into her eyes and kissed her softly as she wrapped her arms around her. She felt her feelings of love and adoration. Vera didn't want to push no matter how badly she wanted to be with her. In the last few months since Shayne's death, Joan rarely wanted either of them to make love, and if they did it was usually Vera making love to her, and Joan didn't feel up to reciprocating.

Vera was fine with this but she did miss her and felt so sad that Joan was so upset. Sometimes she felt like she did something wrong, and it wasn't until she'd wake up in the middle of the night to see Joan gone from their bed, and she knew how much she was struggling when she'd find her crying in the living room. Vera had gone in to hold and comfort her during those moments and knew then that Joan was too upset to have the energy for more, and that it wasn't Vera's fault. From then on, Vera made an effort to keep a closer eye on Joan.

She turned on their TV and they laid together in each other's arms as they flipped through the channels. Joan caressed her hand and she sighed softly and smiled, kissing her cheek. _It's a Wonderful Life_ was on and they watched it silently. Vera rested her head on Joan's shoulder and felt Joan's cheek rest against her head, stroking her hair.

“My mother loved this film,” Joan whispered.

Vera smiled. “I remember my parents liking it too, but it's been a long time since I've seen it.”

Joan kissed along her hairline as they watched the end of the film.

“ _Look Daddy, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings!”_

She felt Joan smile against her forehead as the film ended with the people singing Auld Lang Syne. Joan kept stroking her hair and Vera was getting sleepy. She sighed softly as Joan wrapped her arm around her, their legs entangled together. Joan caressed her back and hips, feeling her fingertips gently tracing her skin. Joan's heart was beating steadily and she listened to it, wrapping an arm over Joan's waist.

Vera could feel Joan's emotions of tenderness and a deep love and caring. It was also mixed with sadness and she caressed Joan's hip, nuzzling her breasts. They were quiet as they laid together, both breathing in each other. Tender touches and caresses along each other's skin. Joan was slow as she stroked Vera's body, kissing her head.

She thought of all the years they'd been together. All the good and the bad times and they were always there for each other. Even when they fought, they always made their way back. The makeup sex was even better after those times and Vera smirked. She felt a dampness against her hair and she realized Joan was crying. She looked up and into Joan's face, and cupped her cheek.

“I don't know why I'm crying,” she whispered.

Vera's heart broke and she wrapped her arms around her. Joan clung to her and Vera kissed her face and neck gently. Joan sniffled and Vera had tears in her eyes as she held her.

“It's okay to cry,” she said and kissed her tear stained cheeks. “It's okay to miss him,” Vera said as she stroked her hair.

“I know... but I miss her too. I miss that I never saw her become the woman she could be. That Shayne never knew his mother,” she cried.

Vera closed her eyes and kissed her softly. “She died too young. It was very tragic. Of course you'd miss her. It's okay to miss her. It's okay to wish that she had a better life,” she said gently.

Joan's lips trembled. “I tried to make up for her loss. I tried to be there for him, to love him in the way he needed. I tried to love him the way she did, the way he deserved... the way _I_ deserved to be loved.”

Vera stroked her cheek. “You did love him. He loved you too.”

“Do you think he ever blamed me for her death?” She asked quietly.

“No... even when we told him the real circumstances around her death, he didn't blame you. He was a very forgiving man. He loved you so much, Joan.”

“I loved him too,” she whispered.

“So did I... still do, just like you always will. Just like you'll always love Jianna,” Vera said and placed her hand over Joan's breast, caressing softly.

“They will always be with you. Right here... in your heart,” she said.

Joan's eyes were sad and she took Vera's hand and kissed her palm, lingering there as she tenderly kissed her palm and the inside of her wrist. Vera kissed her lovingly, cupping Joan's cheek. She kissed her slowly and softly, and Joan broke their kiss and wrapped her arms around her.

“I love you, Vera.”

Vera hugged her tightly. “I love you too.”

Joan rested her head against her chest and she stroked her hair, sighing in her arms as she kissed and nuzzled her breasts. Vera began to sing very softly to her.

 _“Have yourself a Merry little Christmas_  
_Let your heart be light_  
_Next year on all our troubles will be out of sight_

 _Have yourself a Merry little Christmas_  
_Make the Yuletide gay_  
_Next year all our troubles will be miles away...”_

Joan held her closer and as she sang quietly, she felt Joan become completely relaxed and her breathing even out. Vera watched her sleep for some time, kissing her forehead.

 

* * *

 

Vera opened her eyes and rolled over to wrap her arms around Joan but she didn't feel anything. She groaned at her wife not being in bed with her when she woke up. She wanted to spend some time with her in bed, but Joan was often unpredictable. Some days she woke up with Vera and other days she was out running or working in the yard. She sighed and stretched, feeling more alert.

She'd only been asleep for a couple hours and she rose out of bed, peeking out the window at the sun. The sky was very blue and she smiled gently. Joan wasn't in the yard though and she wondered if she was downstairs.

“She needs to relax,” she mumbled to herself. She walked into their bathroom and started the shower, stepping under the warm spray. It relaxed some of her stiff muscles from sleep and she and washed her hair, lathering it and rinsing it. She heard the shower door open and then soft and strong arms wrapped around her from behind, kissing her neck.

“Mmm... Joan,” she said softly. They hadn't showered together in a while and she was surprised but happily so as the older woman caressed her body, her hands cupping her breasts and squeezing as she teased her nipples between her fingertips.

Joan smiled against her neck and licked and sucked it. Her lips trailed down her throat, kissing along her shoulder as she turned towards her and kissed her deeply. Joan's hand caressed her stomach, pressing tightly against her from behind. She picked up the loofah and lathered shower gel into it. She gently pressed it against Vera's body, caressing her shoulders and breasts, down her stomach and over her hips. Vera sighed softly, smiling as Joan slowly and sensually washed her.

She washed her butt and thighs, slowly kneeling down to wash her legs and feet. She'd never seen Joan kneel at her feet before and it was an odd but lovely view with her dark hair in the water and her beautiful creamy skin. She picked up her feet and she giggled at the touch because it tickled and Joan smiled and kissed her feet, motioning her to turn around. She kissed her butt cheeks and her lower back, lifting the loofah to wash her back. Vera moaned softly as Joan washed and caressed her back and shoulders, and she rinsed her and then took some feminine wash and cupped her between her legs, rubbing gently as she washed her there.

“I could have done that myself,” Vera said, smirking.

Joan kissed her neck, smiling and biting it gently as she rubbed and spread the wash through her dark hair and soft lips, feeling Joan's fingertips slide along some sensitive parts.

“Hmm... I think it's better that I wash it. Especially since after this, I'm going to be inside you,” she whispered.

Vera moaned as she turned around to face her, looking into her eyes. Joan's eyes were intense but loving as the water dripped from her eyelashes and streamed down her body.

Vera wrapped her arms around her and kissed her deeply, moaning into her mouth as Joan pressed her against the wall and lifted her leg around her hip. She panted, feeling so aroused and in need that she wasn't sure if she could contain herself as she pressed against Joan's hip, grinding a bit.

She stroked Joan's hair and ran her fingernails down her back. She threw her head back against the wall when Joan kissed down her neck and chest. She kissed her breasts and nipples, sucking one into her mouth and biting gently. She sucked hard and pulled on it with her teeth, swirling her tongue. Joan moaned around her breast and then moved to the other one, licking it and sucking gently and then stronger as she squeezed her other breast, keeping the nipple hard as she stroked it. Vera whimpered when she felt the attention on both breasts. Joan usually always made sure not to neglect the other breast and she often would do this until it made Vera come.

Joan stopped and kissed the swell of her breast and then bit into it, making Vera cry out as she sucked her blood. Vera whimpered and held her head to her breast as she looked down at her. She fed from the blood from her breast and Vera stroked her hair. Joan kissed and licked and then retracted her fangs, baring her throat and Vera's fangs clicked out and she bit her throat, holding Joan to her. Joan held tightly and stroked her hair, shivering as Vera sucked hard and tasted her blood.

“Yes, my darling,” Joan said and moaned as Vera pressed her hand between her legs and lifted her thumb to rub her clit. Joan panted and pressed into her hand as Vera slid three fingers inside her. Vera moaned against her throat as she drank, feeling Joan so hot and wet around her fingers, slowly thrusting in and out.

Vera felt her love and desire and she lifted her face from her neck and looked into her eyes. She retracted her fangs as Joan kissed her hard, biting her lower lip and she gently grabbed Vera's wrist and removed her hand, turning her around and spanking her butt, squeezing it as she pressed against her. She moaned when she felt Joan's breasts and hard nipples slide against her back, warm and slippery from the water.

Joan slid her hand down and cupped her, squeezing and rubbing. She kissed her ear, nibbling the earlobe as she trailed kisses over her neck.

“I've gone too long without the feel of you around my fingers and the taste of you on my tongue. I've gone for too long now without making love to my wife. I want you to not worry about me and let me take care of you. Let me make you feel good,” she whispered as she kissed her ear, stroking and rubbing along her wet lips.

Vera moaned and nodded, her head tilting back against Joan's shoulder as she thrust two fingers inside her, the heel of her palm pressing against her clit. Joan squeezed her breast and circled her nipple, roughly pulling at it and making Vera gasp. She squeezed and pinched them and Vera trembled when she felt her fingers thrusting inside her, curling them as Joan kissed and bit her neck, using her normal teeth as she licked her and kissed her skin.

“Oh, Joan,” she moaned as she began to grind and rock against her hand. Joan sucked and kissed her neck and shoulders.

“Do you want it gentle or hard?” Joan asked, licking the shell of her ear.

Vera closed her eyes and squeezed her fingers, spreading her legs a little wider and Joan smiled against her neck.

“Hard,” she said breathlessly.

Joan pressed her lips harder against her neck, kissing as she thrust deeply inside. Vera gasped as she fucked her harder, her fingers stroking and thrusting faster. Her legs were starting to shake as Joan curled her fingers and rubbed her clit, circling it with the palm of her hand. Joan's fangs clicked out as she sank her fangs into her throat, sucking hard as she drank her blood. Joan's feelings of pleasure were so strong here and Vera trembled against her, rocking her hips to meet her thrusts.

Joan pressed and rubbed on that rough patch of skin inside. "Come for me," she heard softly through their mental connection. Vera's mouth opened as she arched her back, grinding into her hand as she squeezed her fingers and came hard. Joan rubbed her clit, retracting her fangs as she turned her head to kiss her deeply, swallowing her moans as she shook against her. Her legs started to give out and Joan quickly grabbed her and sat down on the seat in the shower, holding Vera in her lap.

Joan's love for her was so strong that she thought she was going to cry and when Joan kept kissing her and stroking her hair, she realized that she really was crying. Joan held her tightly and caressed her cheek.

“Merry Christmas,” Joan said and smiled warmly.

Vera smiled back, giggling as she cried and kissed her. Joan cradled her against her chest, and wrapped her arms around her, kissing her neck, her face, and finally her lips as she kissed her deeply. Joan cupped her cheek, stroking it.

“Why are you crying, darling?” Joan asked gently.

Vera stroked her neck and shoulders and Joan smiled tenderly at her. She shook her head and smiled as Joan wiped away her tears.

“I've just missed you so much,” she cried.

Joan's eyes softened with a sadness and tenderness. She kissed the corner of her mouth, her lips and cheek. Vera's heart was so full as Joan held her tightly, caressing her back.

“I've never left you. I just needed time. You mean everything to me. I'm sorry that I've been distant...”

Vera stroked her hair behind her ears, smoothing it back under the water. Joan's eyes were dark but full of love. Vera kissed her lovingly and felt Joan's tension slip away as she relaxed against her. She kept kissing her slowly and tenderly as she stroked her hair, smiling at her gently.

“It's okay. You needed to take care of yourself. I'll always be here to love you and take care of you,” Vera said.

Joan smiled and kissed her forehead. They slowly stood up and walked out of the shower, drying each other off slowly and tenderly, smiling a little shyly at the other.

Vera grabbed a camisole and shorts, and smiled at Joan who wore a v-neck shirt. She wore the infinity necklace and some light streamed in through a small opening of the windows making it gleam. Joan followed her out of their bedroom, then lifted her hands to cover her eyes.

Vera smiled. “What are you doing?”

“You'll see.”

She could feel and hear Joan's amusement as she gently kept her hands over her eyes and helped her walk down the hall. Vera's enhanced spatial perception helped her as she kept her eyes closed. There was a smell of something floral and it tickled her nose. Joan slowly removed her hands and she opened her eyes.

The entire kitchen was filled with vases of roses. Her eyes widened in awe at the several dozens of roses that were all different colors. She walked further into the kitchen and there were Christmas lights that were a soft white glow around the edges of the doorway leading into the living room. Inside the living room were more roses. She lost count at the amount in the house and she looked at the lit up tree in the living room, hearing the soft Christmas music playing in the background.

There was a new picture of them in the tree hanging as an ornament. It was a picture of the two of them dancing at Shayne and Julie's wedding. They looked happy as they danced in each other's arms, smiling and staring into each other's eyes as if they were the only two in the room. Vera's eyes teared up and she lifted her hand to her mouth. She slowly turned around and Joan was quietly standing near her.

“Merry Christmas, darling,” she said softly. 

Vera kissed her, hugging her tightly. “They're so beautiful. Thank you.” 

“You're welcome. I'm glad you like them,” Joan said as she kissed her temple, rubbing her back.

“I _love_ them,” Vera said, kissing her neck and lips again.

Joan moved out of her embrace as she bent down and handed her a medium sized wrapped gift.

Vera's tears slid down her cheeks as she took the gift. “There's more?”

Joan chuckled softly. “Yes... open it.”

Vera unwrapped the gift and it was a nicely carved wooden box and when she opened it she saw several rolled up notes and one on the inside of the lid that said, _“Remember when...”_

She smiled as she opened one and it said, _“Remember when we first kissed as I held you in my arms? Your vulnerability was beautiful when you trusted me with your tears and grief. I knew then I would never let anyone harm you ever again.”_

Vera looked into her eyes and leaned forward and kissed her, her hand caressing her cheek. “I remember that. I remember how you bathed me that night. You were so sweet and gentle.”

Joan stroked her hair and she leaned down and opened another note that said, _“Remember when we saw The Phantom of the Opera again and I teased you by touching your thigh, barely touching you where you needed to be touched? And on the way home we pulled over to the side of the road, and you decided I was going to be 'punished' for teasing you all evening.”_

Vera blushed and narrowed her eyes at her, smiling playfully. “You wouldn't just let me enjoy the show! Your hands kept brushing my thighs and you were so close to my _pussy_ that I was having trouble concentrating. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't wait until we got home...”

Joan smiled wickedly. “I was just being affectionate, Vera. It's not my fault you couldn't control yourself.”

Vera laughed. “You're so full of shit, but I love you anyway.”

Joan chuckled and Vera closed the box, deciding to read the rest of the notes later. She grabbed a small wrapped box and handed it to Joan, smirking.

Joan lifted her eyebrow and opened the box. She smiled slowly. “Oh, cupcake, you are _definitely_ trying to tell me something.”

Vera smiled as Joan held the new leather gloves she gave her and slowly slid them onto her hands, listening to the sound of the leather. Joan sighed softly as she wrapped her hand around Vera's throat, caressing her with the glove and kissed her hard, biting her lip.

“It's been a while since I've worn these, and I think later I'm going to have to break them in,” she said softly as she licked Vera's lips.

Vera felt the pressure of her hand, the smoothness of the leather as her thumb reached up and stroked her lower lip.

“Maybe we can get your old uniform out... _Governor_.” 

Joan smiled. “Maybe we can, _Deputy_.” She lowered her hand and caressed her collarbones and shoulders, over her breasts and hips. She shivered as she felt the slow caresses and Joan smiled and winked at her, taking off her gloves.

Joan handed her a larger box and Vera blushed as she saw dark green lacy lingerie in the box. She held it between her fingers. “It's beautiful...”

Joan kissed her neck, wrapping her arm around her. “You're beautiful, but I'm glad you like it.”

“I think this is partially a gift for you too,” Vera said, smirking a little.

Joan lifted both eyebrows, smiling slowly. “It was for you but you are partially correcT. I'd love to see you in that... and then be able to take it off later,” she said softly, kissing her ear.

Vera shivered and kissed her. “Let me give you your last gift.”

She could feel Joan's happiness and saw she had a mischievous smile as she handed an envelope to her. Joan shook the envelope, making Vera giggle.

She smiled as she opened it and her eyes widened. “Oh, Vera, I didn't expect this. You want to go to Hawaii?”

Vera bit her her lip and sat next to her. “Joan, I know we don't go on holiday much but I think you need it... I think we both need it. Especially after everything that's happened in the last few months. You've been pushing yourself very hard...” She said carefully.

Joan looked at it more, smiling gently. “I know... I know that I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible. We both have. You're right. We haven't been on holiday in a while.”

Vera let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She was worried Joan wouldn't want to go so soon after Shayne died. It had only been a few months.

“I think we both deserve it, but especially you. I just want to relax with you and be happy for a few weeks,” she said softly, taking her hand.

Joan held her hand and squeezed it. “I want that too. I've missed you. We haven't always been able to spend much time together and I'd love to go with you. I'd love to especially see you in a nice bikini,” she said and winked.

Vera laughed and leaned forward, kissing her. “We'll see about that.”

Joan smiled then stopped and looked at her a little worried. “Wait... it says you want to go around New Year's Eve and we'll be gone sometime after the semester starts. How do we--”

“I already made arrangements for someone to take over until we come back. I've taken care of everything. Just relax,” she said softly.

Joan eyes softened as she stroked Vera's hair behind her ear. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

Vera smiled and hugged her. “Only last night, but I love you too.”

Joan smiled back and kissed her. She slowly stood up with her and took her in her arms, dancing with her in their living room. She could hear Nat King Cole singing and Joan smiled at her.

“ _Chestnuts roasting on an open fire_  
_Jack Frost nipping at your nose”_

Joan leaned down and kissed her nose as that song lyric came up.

“ _Yuletide carols being sung by the choir_  
_And folks dressed up like Eskimos_

 _Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe_  
_Help to make the season bright_  
_Tiny little tots with their eyes all aglow_  
_Will find it hard to sleep tonight_

 _They know that Santa's on his way_  
_He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh_  
_And every mother's child is going to spy_  
_To see if reindeer really know how to fly_

 _And so I'm offering this simple phrase_  
_To kids from one to ninety-two_  
_Although it's been said many times, many ways_  
_Merry Christmas to you_

 _And so I'm offering this simple phrase_  
_To kids from one to ninety-two_  
_Although it's been said many times, many ways_  
_Merry Christmas to you, Merry Christmas to you.”_

Joan held her tightly and kissed her as the song ended. Vera felt her love and happiness, a warmth inside her that enveloped her heart. Joan placed her hand over her breast... her heart.

“Merry Christmas, Vera.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope that was an enjoyable chapter. I tried to balance it out with a lot of different things going on since the first chapter so it wasn't always as sad but I'm trying to show how Joan and Vera cope with everything. I imagine Joan is always listening to classical Christmas music like Frank Sinatra, Judy Garland, Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis, Andy Williams, and Bing Crosby, as well as instrumental classical Christmas music. I'll just list some of those without actually giving a list of Christmas songs. 
> 
> But I will again give the link to the Judy Garland version of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. One of the reasons why I have Joan love this version is because the original song sung by Judy Garland has a slight melancholy ring to it, and for that reason it just seemed fitting and I prefer the original over Frank Sinatra. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxxTHzERTsk
> 
> And The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6usS7Yi3PLE


	3. Chapter 3

As the car pulled up to the airport, she gently nudged Vera who was resting against her shoulder. They got out and Joan pulled their luggage out and she felt a hand slap hers away. She sighed as she looked into Aaron's smiling face.

“I got this. Just relax,” he said and winked.

“Thank you,” she replied, quickly taking Vera's hand. Airports made her a little nervous sometimes because there were so many people and it was so busy. For some reason Vera wasn't as nervous and she frowned since the crowds made her feel this way. Vera squeezed her hand and she looked down at her and smiled reassuringly.

“It'll be all right,” Vera said softly.

Joan gave a curt nod and was startled when her hand slipped out of Vera's as she was pulled into a hug by Aaron.

“Have a safe flight and don't make a mess of my house.”

She scoffed. “I would never make a mess!”

He grinned. “And remember to have fun. I know it's been hard lately, but you deserve to have a nice time,” he said gently.

She looked into his gentle blue eyes and thought of how caring and supportive Aaron had been for so many years. She held his hand and let that anchor her.

“Isn't this hard on you too?” She asked quietly.

He smiled sadly. “It is, but we all grieve in our own way, Joan. You enjoy your time with Vera and try not to think too much.”

She sighed and nodded. She felt guilty for taking this time away even just to relax and she felt Vera's arm wrap around her waist and Aaron leaned down and hugged Vera tightly.

“Have a good time, Vera! And please enjoy my little house. I don't let just anyone stay there. And don't worry, I have plenty of wine stocked.” He leaned down and whispered something into Vera's ear that Joan couldn't hear very well but the last parts of it she heard were: “take care of her.”

Joan shook her head and they hugged Aaron as he waved goodbye to them. The airport was very busy and Joan couldn't even think much beyond trying to get through security and to their gate. She wouldn't be able to relax until they found their gate and got onto the plane.

Joan breathed a sigh of relief once they were able to get through the gate and found their seats in first class. It was more private and comfortable and Joan finally had the leg room she needed. Vera was usually nervous upon take off and she held her hand tightly.

“Close your eyes and just relax. We'll be in Hawaii before we know it,” Joan said softly and stroked her thumb over her hand.

Vera sighed and closed her eyes. Joan watched her carefully and could feel how anxious she was becoming as she reached up and blasted the air to hit her face.

“I don't know why I always feel this way. It's never changed since I became a vampire.”

Joan smiled gently and kept stroking her hand. “Sometimes things don't change from the time we were human. It's okay.” She saw that Vera was tensing and grinding her teeth and she leaned down and whispered in her ear.

“Do you need a bottle of synthetic blood?”

Vera opened her eyes, frowning. “I don't know if that will help right now. It's not the real thing.”

“No, but it's better than nothing. You didn't feed much before we left.”

“I can control it, Joan,” she snapped. She sighed and Joan looked away at the window.

“Joan, I didn't mean to snap at you... I just need you to let me take care of myself.”

Joan was now grinding her own teeth except in frustration. She crossed her arms and continued to stare out the window. She could feel Vera's irritation and some amount of embarrassment but she didn't have time for Vera snapping at her for no other reason than her own stubbornness.

“I am your Maker. It is my job to make sure you are making the right choices... and I am your wife and that is even more important to make sure that you're taking care of yourself.”

She felt a gentle hand on her arm and she sighed, looking into Vera's eyes that were apologetic as she kissed Joan's cheek. She uncrossed her arms as the tension slowly left her body.

“I'm sorry. It's still hard on me. Sometimes I become embarrassed and I remember the times of how hard it was to come out to humans, and I just remember the stares we used to get.”

“Vera, sometimes people stare at us without even knowing what we are.”

Vera smirked. “That's true, but I guess I worry about someone still acting different around us.” Vera linked her arm through hers and rested her head against her shoulder. Joan placed her hand over hers and kissed her forehead.

“I know... and that was a hard time, but things are a little different now. Even the ones who still act cautious with us are usually harmless. They offer synthetic blood here so clearly they are welcoming to vampires and it's been like this for a number of years. Besides... they would do well not to give me any attitude,” Joan said sternly. She would not allow anyone to treat her and Vera badly and especially while on this trip. It was the first time Vera was going to Hawaii and Joan would be damned if it was ruined by prejudice.

Vera smirked and looked into her eyes, kissing her lips. “I guess I'll have some. I don't want to become even hungrier later and it be a little harder.”

Joan nodded. “That's smart for you to do, darling. As hard as it is to do this in front of people in public, it's better than just feeding from each other with others around.”

Vera gave her a slightly mischievous look. “Hmm... I wouldn't be against doing some kind of odd mile high club with that.”

Joan narrowed her eyes and smiled slowly. “As tempting as that sounds, that would be hard to do in public. The neck is too obvious.”

“Nothing is wrong with the arm,” Vera said and smiled.

Joan shook her head at her wife. “You're incorrigible. I don't feel comfortable doing that here, but when we get to Aaron's house in Lanai, then I'll be more than willing.” She could feel some disappointment from Vera but smiled as the younger woman took a sip of the synthetic blood, her lips twisting at the taste.

“Come on, it's not all that bad,” Joan said, chuckling.

“It's not, but it's like drinking a diet soda.”

“Well, we only have about 10 hours. I'd say you can definitely have enough stamina to last until then.”

Vera sighed and she smiled as she took out a book. After a few hours, Joan thought about how Vera had bought these tickets for them, and arranged it so they could stay at Aaron's house. It was nice of him to let them stay there and she was looking forward to spending time in Lanai while it was more quiet and secluded. At least Vera knew she would enjoy more quiet time. Eventually they would also spend time in Maui but Lanai was the perfect spot for quiet relaxation. Shayne and Julie had loved Hawaii and had been here many times. She was sad that she couldn't tell them about their trip. She hoped he and Julie were looking down somewhere to be able to see that they were enjoying themselves.

She sighed as she felt Vera's hand slip into hers and kiss her palm, smiling down at her. She closed her eyes to rest and smiled gently as Vera traced small circles on her palm.

 

* * *

 

They arrived in Lanai on New Year's Eve and Joan could finally relax as they unpacked their clothes and she smiled at how clean Aaron's house was. Vera was playing music and stocking the kitchen with sweets and snacks. They didn't need them but she remembered how much Vera missed having chocolate covered strawberries. She smiled as Vera bit into a strawberry, closing her eyes at the taste.

She was wearing a nice blue and flowered dress that hugged her hips, but flowed near her feet. Joan thought she looked beautiful with her hair down and the lei that was around her neck, softly resting against her breasts.

Joan wore a similar matching dress but a darker blue, and she felt a little silly wearing a lei but Vera had insisted they both wear one. Her infinity necklace rested in the center and she came up behind Vera and circled her arms around her. Vera tilted her head back and smiled at her.

“Mmm... I love when you hold me like this,” Vera said, kissing her mouth.

Joan smiled and kissed her back, her hands caressing her breasts and nipples. She moved her hand down against her stomach, kissing her neck.

“I love holding you too. I was thinking of maybe making things more interesting today.” Joan licked her ear, nibbling on her earlobe.

Vera shivered in her arms, and she slowly let go of her. “Stay here.” Joan left the kitchen and went into their bedroom and pulled something out of her bag. She stepped into the kitchen and held Vera, caressing her body slowly. She could feel and smell her arousal and her fingertips teased her nipples.

Vera moaned softly and pressed back against her. Joan smiled and gently but firmly pressed Vera's chest against the kitchen table.

“Joan, you know I wanted to go outside today,” she panted.

“Don't worry. We still are.” Joan hiked up her dress, smiling at the dark green lacy lingerie that she'd given Vera for Christmas. She knelt down behind her and pushed the lacy underwear aside, spreading her legs a little. She kissed Vera's thighs and pressed her fingertips along her wet slit. She teased her and listened to her breathing before she leaned forward and licked her. She stroked her thighs and teased her with her lips and tongue.

She circled her clit with her tongue and lightly sucked on it, smiling when Vera moaned and arched her back. She moved her head and kissed her inner thigh and her fangs clicked out as she bit into her thigh, moaning as she drank her blood. Vera gasped and whimpered when Joan slid two fingers inside her, loving how Vera's warm velvet walls hugged her fingers. She curled her fingers and began stroking deeply inside her.

Vera was moaning and Joan felt her own wetness trickle down her inner thighs. She loved being inside Vera and tasting her. The blood of her wife made her feel drunk with love and lust. She drank deeply and thought about how she'd never neglect her again. Vera circled her hips and Joan retracted her fangs and licked the blood from her thigh. She slowed the thrusting of her fingers and Vera groaned when she slid them out. She took out the Ben Wa balls she grabbed and heard the gentle rattle of them. Vera was soaking so there would be no problem putting them inside. She licked Vera a few times and then slowly slid the weighted balls inside.

“Oh, Joan... I-I need to come, please...”

“Mmm patience, my darling. I want you to be on edge all day. I want you constantly reminded of me, and to think about my fingers and tongue as they move inside you,” Joan said softly. She moved up and pressed her breasts against Vera's back, kissing her neck. She could feel how pleasurable this was for Vera and she took the string from the balls and gently tugged on them. Vera sighed and turned around and looked into her eyes.

Joan helped her stand up and smiled slyly when Vera carefully stepped away from the kitchen table. Vera's cheeks were flushed and she bit her lip when she stared at her. Joan took her hand as they walked outside. They were near the ocean and she smiled at Vera's arousal and frustration. She watched Vera sit on a bench swing on the porch and she closed her eyes and crossed her legs. Joan smiled and sat next to her and placed her hand on her thigh.

“You're enjoying this a little too much,” Vera said and smirked.

“Hmm... I just like thinking of you in a constant state of need.”

Vera laughed lightly and closed her eyes as Joan moved a little behind her and began to massage her shoulders.

“Oh, that feels good,” Vera said softly.

Joan smiled and kissed her shoulder. She caressed and massaged her muscles, pulling Vera back against her and kissing her neck. Vera sighed as Joan reached down to stroke her breasts, circling her nipples again. Vera's nipples hardened and she smiled against her neck. Vera turned around and straddled her and groaned.

Joan smiled and kissed her. “What's the matter?"

“I can feel those Ben Wa balls move inside me. They make me feel... tighter than I already am.”

Joan wrapped her arms around her, and kissed her deeply, lowering her hand to squeeze her butt as she pulled her against her. She slipped off the sleeves of her dress as it lowered down and smiled at the lacy bra.

“Joan, what if someone sees us?”

Joan took off the cups of her bra. “No one will. This is a more secluded area. I want to be able to have my wife whenever and wherever I want to.”

Vera moaned and closed her eyes as Joan kissed and licked her nipple. She sucked and bit gently, teasing both nipples until Vera was moaning. She started to grind against Joan and whimpered when Joan pulled her closer.

Joan cupped her face and kissed her deeply and passionately. She looked into her eyes and smiled when Vera slipped the straps off of her dress and lowered the cups of her bra.

“But what if someone sees us, Vera?” Joan asked playfully.

Vera smirked and leaned down and kissed the swell of her breast, sucking on it. Joan held her head, stroking her hair. She could smell Vera's skin that was mixed with a light floral perfume, and that with the smell of the sand and ocean was enough to make her moan. Vera licked and sucked on her nipples and she held her head to her breast. Vera moved back and forth between them and teased and licked them, biting down gently.

Joan moaned when she kissed her neck and pressed her breasts against hers. Vera wrapped her arms around her and kissed her hard, and Joan reached under her dress and rubbed her over her underwear, feeling the warm wetness against her palm. Vera moaned into her mouth and she gently tugged the string of the Ben Wa balls and Vera bit her lip. Joan smiled at her and patted her butt.

“Stand up,” she ordered.

Vera slowly untangled herself and Joan saw her legs were shaking slightly as she stood on the porch. Joan took her hand. “Let's go for a walk.”

“You want to go _now_?”

Joan smiled at her. “I thought you wanted to explore.”

“I do but that was before you...”

Joan lifted her brow. “Before I what?”

Vera shook her head. “Sometimes you drive me insane. Let's go!”

Joan chuckled as Vera pulled her hand and Joan could see she was walking a little more gingerly. They held hands as they walked slowly down the beach.

“It's beautiful here. Aaron bought a house on some nice property,” Vera said softly.

“It is... and luckily we can be out in the sun a little bit longer. But for the times we can't, you will tell me when you start feeling fatigued and we'll retire inside,” Joan said firmly.

Vera squeezed her hand. “I will, but the sun is setting now. Do you see the tiki torches being lit by our neighbors?”

Joan glanced over and saw quite a few and remembered that Aaron told her that he had a few of his own for his house that they could light. “We'll have to light ours when we return.”

Joan stared at the sunset and watched Vera walk to the shore where the water touched her feet, the wind blowing in her hair. Joan pressed her feet into the sand, and thought of Shayne and imagined his smiling face in her mind's eye. They were closing the year without him and she thought of how much she wished he was still here. For the first time, she wished that he was a vampire so that he could continue to live for as long as he could so that Joan would have never had to say goodbye.

“ _Aunty Joan, I won't be here for very much longer. Promise me that you will be happy and be there for my children and grandchildren. Take care of Aunty Vera and my brother Aaron.”_

“ _You know that you could live for a few years longer. Don't give up yet.”_

“ _I'll try not to, but I believe my time is coming soon. I love you.”_

“ _Don't say that. It sounds like goodbye.”_

“ _It won't be goodbye. It'll be until I see you again. Promise me you'll take care of them. I love you.”_

“ _I promise. I'll always take care of them. I love you too, Shayne.”_

She had gently hugged him and kissed his cheek that day, and it was only a few days later that Shayne passed away. Tears slipped down her cheeks and Vera turned around and looked at her. She sometimes hated this emotional connection they had when she couldn't always hide how she felt, but at the same time she was comforted by it as Vera held out her hand. She grabbed it and Vera wrapped her arms around her. Joan held her close and kissed her forehead, breathing in the scent of her hair.

“You're thinking about Shayne,” Vera said quietly.

“Yes... I'm sorry.”

Vera cupped her cheeks, kissing her gently. “Don't be sorry. It's okay to think about him during this trip. This is a time for both of us to relax and that includes even times that you need a moment to cry.”

Joan nodded and Vera wiped her tears away, kissing her cheeks and mouth. “I love you, just remember that,” Vera whispered. Joan wrapped her arms around her tightly and sighed softly, her hand reaching up to stroke Vera's hair. She nuzzled her neck as Vera caressed her body and smiled down at her. Vera's eyes were soft and gentle and she kissed her lovingly.

They kissed for a little while on the beach until it started getting a little darker and Vera was breathless as she pulled away. “I need to get these Ben Wa balls out. I'm having a very hard time concentrating on anything else.”

Joan had almost forgotten about them and smirked, her hand moving down to her lower back.

“How has it been walking with them?” Joan asked, her hand resting on her hip as they turned around and started walking back home.

“I'm okay walking but I can feel them every time I move. Luckily since we've used them a few times, I didn't have too much trouble keeping them inside, but it's been a little while. They feel good but all they do is tease...”

Joan smiled. “That's what they're supposed to do.” She squeezed Vera's hand as they walked back to the house.

Vera sat on the bed and Joan smiled at her as she knelt down and spread her legs. “So, you'd like these out of you now?”

“Yes, I don't think I can take this anymore.”

Joan lifted her brow and gently pulled on the string, her thumb going up and stroking her clit. “Let me go and light those tiki torches.”

“You don't need to do that now!” Vera said frustratingly.

“Ah ah, it's New Year's Eve, Vera. Let's be a little more festive on the island.” Joan smiled as she walked out and slowly lit the torches until they illuminated the porch. Her skin glowed in the light and she blinked as she felt Vera grab her hand and yank her back inside.

“Joan, I've waited very patiently and the only reason I haven't taken them out myself is because I know you enjoy doing so instead. But so help me, you won't get any tonight if you don't fucking do this now.”

“Oh, but how will you relieve yourself?” Joan asked curiously.

“I can do that on my own!”

Joan chuckled and smiled. “I wouldn't mind watching that...”

Vera sighed and shook her head. “Please Joan.”

Joan smiled. “You mentioned something very tantalizing to me. I want you to touch yourself first before I pull them out.”

Vera groaned. “You know I can just pull them out myself?”

Joan smirked. “I know, but you like this game as much as I do.”

Vera's lips twitched and Joan could feel her amusement and arousal at the same time. She lifted her brow and sat on a nearby chair.

“Go ahead,” she said huskily.

Vera sighed and removed her dress, and started to take off her underwear before Joan interrupted her.

“Leave them on. Don't take anything off. I want to see you dressed like that for a little bit longer.”

Vera stared into her eyes and spread her legs and Joan smiled and nodded, watching Vera press her hands against her breasts, squeezing them. Joan tilted her head and smiled as Vera teased her nipples. The lighting in the bedroom was low and Vera's skin glowed with a slightly amber hue. Her hands slid down her stomach and across her thighs, and then she slid one hand inside her underwear and Joan could see her fingers circling.

“Are you touching your clit?” Joan asked quietly.

“Yes...”

“Lie back,” Joan commanded.

Vera slowly laid back against the bed and kept her legs spread, and Joan watched as she moaned softly and lifted her hips into her hand, teasing herself.

Joan's breathing quickened, her nipples hardening as she watched her wife. She lowered her hand and touched her breast, tweaking her nipple as Vera circled her hand against her wet lips. Vera's underwear was soaked and Joan couldn't stand just sitting and watching anymore. She slowly stood up and took off her dress and her bra and underwear. She gracefully moved on top of the bed and Vera stared up at her. Joan smiled as she slid her hand down her stomach and touched herself, sliding her fingers up and down her wet slit. Vera lowered her eyes and watched her, moaning softly as she watched Joan tease and slide her fingers inside.

Joan smiled and kissed Vera's neck, her hair softly touching her skin. She slowly slid off Vera's underwear and she lifted her hand and pressed her fingers against Vera's lips.

“You see what you do to me,” Joan whispered as Vera wrapped her lips around her fingers and began to suck.

Joan slowly moved her hand down and gently tugged on the Ben Wa balls. Vera opened her mouth and panted and Joan kissed her.

“You squeezed around them very tight. Just relax your body and they'll be a little bit easier to pull out,” Joan instructed.

Joan kept kissing her and caressed Vera's body, massaging her thighs and hips, slowly feeling Vera relax underneath her.

“Good girl,” she said softly and licked her lips. She gently and slowed pulled out the Ben Wa balls. Joan held them and showed them to her with how wet they were. Joan's nostrils flared as she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

“I can smell you,” she whispered. She looked down again when Vera moaned and she could see the blush spreading across her cheeks.

“Oh, after so many years and you can still blush. You're beautiful when you do,” Joan said and smiled.

Vera looked into her eyes and she kissed Joan hard. In between their kisses she lifted up to let Joan help her take off her bra and she panted, kissing her neck and shoulders.

“I need you to fuck me.”

Joan cupped her face and kissed her deeply, her tongue rolling over hers as she kissed down her body. Vera shivered under her arms and moaned as Joan covered her with her mouth. She licked and sucked gently, closing her eyes at the taste and she could feel Vera's legs shaking.

“Joan,” she moaned.

Joan licked her clit and kissed her wet lips. “Vera, you're mine, you know that? I don't want you to ever worry about how I feel about you. I'll always want you.”

Vera looked down at her. “I never worried.”

Joan kissed her and moved up and looked into her eyes and then slid three fingers inside her. Vera gasped and spread her legs wider. Joan started to stroke and thrust them slowly in and out.

“I always felt your worry and fear so I know you did. I love you and want you... always,” Joan whispered as she thrust harder and watched Vera's eyelashes flutter as she struggled to keep them open.

Vera whimpered when Joan lifted her thumb and pressed against her clit. She began to curl her fingers and circled her clit, looking down at her. Vera wrapped her arms around her and dug her nails into her back and kissed her hard, panting as she looked into her eyes.

“Joan,” she whispered.

Joan nodded and straddled her thigh, pressing her burning sex against her and gently rubbed her clit against the smooth skin of her thigh. She kissed Vera and began to rock against her thigh, moaning when Vera grabbed her butt and squeezed, pressing her harder against her. Joan's fingers stopped thrusting inside Vera and then started again.

Vera's fangs clicked out and she smiled at her as she bared her throat and Vera grabbed the back of her neck and sank her fangs into her throat. She moaned as she felt Vera suck her blood, shaking against her as Vera reached down and touched her clit. She shivered and circled her hips as Vera rubbed her. Vera moved her mouth back and with fast reflexes and strength, she flipped Joan over and onto her back. She straddled her hips and leaned down and kissed her breasts, sucking her nipples into her mouth and biting gently.

Joan moaned and held her head to her breasts. Her nipples were so hard and sensitive now that she whimpered as she sucked them hard, licking around her nipples. Vera took her hand and pressed it between her legs and Joan smiled when she slid three fingers inside her again. She pressed deep inside her and curled her fingers, wrapping her arm tightly around Vera and pressing her closer. Vera moaned and started to rock her hips, riding her fingers.

Joan hissed when Vera dug her nails into her shoulders. She used her thumb to circle her clit again and Vera shivered above her, circling her hips. She looked into Vera's eyes and kissed her deeply, sucking her bottom lip as Vera rocked her hips faster against her.

“Always with you,” Vera panted and Joan clicked her fangs out and bit her neck.

She drank her blood deeply and kept circling her clit as she moaned against her neck. Vera panted and Joan could feel all of her emotions of love, desire, a need to protect, and a deep feeling of longing. Joan was overwhelmed and she felt Vera squeezing around her fingers as she rocked against her. Joan trembled as she felt Vera gently touch and circle her clit, and she jerked against her as she and Vera both climaxed at the same time.

Joan shook underneath her and continued to drink her blood and then her eyes opened when she felt Vera bite into her arm. She moaned and closed her eyes again as they both drank from each other. She felt a deep and intimate connection with her in this moment, and she slowly retracted her fangs and licked Vera's neck. She turned her head and watched as Vera continued to suck the blood from the inside of her forearm. She lifted her other hand and stroked Vera's hair, feeling the smaller woman relax and she lifted her mouth and licked her lips and skin, looking into Joan's eyes.

She crooked her finger and beckoned her closer, smiling as she climbed over and kissed her, their legs entangling as Vera slowly rubbed her feet against hers. Joan rubbed her back and hips, squeezing her butt. When she looked into her eyes, she kissed her again and poured all of her love into the kiss. She moaned softly when Vera ran her fingers through her hair.

“I love you, Joan. I love you so much,” she whispered.

“I love you too, my darling. I'm so happy you're here with me,” Joan whispered back and kissed her softly.

Vera kissed her back and rested her face against her neck as she snuggled closer and Joan kissed her forehead and stroked her back and arm. Their breathing came back under control and she looked out the window at the stars shining through.

“Vera, it's not yet midnight. Do you want to maybe go out for a swim?”

“A swim? You don't want to stay in bed?”

“I'd love to but... let's make the most of it before the New Year.”

“Can we go... skinny dipping?” Vera asked shyly.

“Oh, my I never thought you'd ask me such a question. We can do that,” Joan said and winked.

They grabbed a couple towels and wrapped it around themselves, and walked out closer to the beach and laid down the beach towel. They put their regular towels on top of it, and quickly ran as fast as they could to the ocean. Joan laughed since she was able to run faster than Vera and waited for her to catch up. She grabbed her hand and pulled her into the water.

“It's nice and comfortable!” Vera said.

“Yes, and especially since our bodies are a warmer temperature right now. It'll be nice to cool off,” Joan said.

The moon and stars shone on the water and Vera's face was a soft silver hue in the moonlight. Her hair was slicked back and Joan swam over and kissed her. Vera reached up and stroked her hair behind her ear.

“You're so beautiful, Joan.”

Joan smiled at her. “Wrap your legs around me,” she whispered.

Vera held her close and wrapped her arms and legs around her. Joan moved until her feet could touch the ground and kissed her shoulders and neck, breathing in the smell of her skin and hair. She held Vera close and caressed her body, kissing her neck and jaw, her cheek and nose. Vera smiled gently when she kissed her lips.

“Are you wanting to make love out here?” Vera asked quietly.

Joan kissed her lips. “As romantic as it sounds, it's not the most sanitary thing to do and I wouldn't want to risk infection.”

“What about sharks?”

“You mean like that shark fin over there?”

Vera yelped and held onto her tightly. Joan laughed and stroked her hair. “I was just kidding.”

“Don't scare me like that!” Vera said and moved away from her.

“Vera... come back.” Joan swam after her and tread water in front of her. “I was just teasing. There is no shark around. However, you're right. We probably shouldn't be out here for too long.”

Vera frowned and Joan caressed her shoulders and arms, kissing her again. “We'll have to go swimming again tomorrow.”

“Skinny dipping again?”

“No, when it's daytime and when there are less fears of anything in the water at night.”

Vera cupped her cheeks and kissed her deeply and wrapped her arms around her. They stayed that way for a short time, and Joan looked into her eyes.

“You know how much I love you, hmm?” Joan asked, stroking her hair.

Vera nodded and grabbed her hand as they swam out to the beach. They ran over and grabbed their towels, wrapping it around their bodies and sat on the beach towel. Joan held Vera in her arms between her legs and kissed her neck.

“It's almost midnight I think,” Vera said as she looked up at the sky. The stars were out and Joan kissed her shoulder.

Joan could hear counting down in the distance from the people nearby and she smiled. “That it is.”

Fireworks went off farther along the beach and Joan tilted Vera's head back and kissed her deeply. Vera wrapped her arms around her and smiled as she kissed Joan.

“Happy New Year!” Vera said and smiled.

“Happy New Year, Vera,” Joan said and kissed her again.

More fireworks went off and Joan tensed a little at the sound, listening to poppers and noisemakers go off. She looked up at the stars and held Vera close. She thought some of them looked brighter and she slowly stood up and held Vera against her. Joan remembered her parents and thought of Vera's mother. She thought of Shayne and Julie... and Jianna and squeezed Vera's hand.

“What's your New Year's resolution, Joan?”

“I never do those... but I promised Shayne before he died to always take care of you and our family. I promised him that I'd be happy and I am. You make me so happy,” she said and kissed her lovingly.

“You make me happy too, and I'll always take care of you. I made a promise to Shayne too before he died. He asked me the same thing which was to take care of you and our family and that we'd always be there for each other. Aaron also asked me the same. I love you,” Vera said.

Joan took her hand and kissed it and led her back inside. They showered together to get the salt of the water off of them. They shared soft and tender kisses under the water before they dried off and moved into the bed.

Joan held Vera close and kissed her. “I love you, my darling. Someday I'd like to renew our vows and I hope you want to do the same.”

Vera looked into her eyes and there were tears in them. “Can we?”

“Of course and it can be anywhere you want. Anything you want,” Joan said and smiled.

Vera hugged her tightly and kissed her face and neck, sighing softly. Joan turned off the lights and wrapped Vera in her arms, caressing her body as she spooned her. She loved the feel of her soft naked body in her arms. She'd never grow tired of it and kissed the back of her neck. Vera turned her head and kissed her lips, bringing Joan's hand around her breast. Joan could feel her heartbeat against her hand and she squeezed her breast gently, and felt so much emotion that her own eyes started to tear up. Vera turned to face her and kissed her eyes and cheeks, holding her close. Joan trembled in her arms and relaxed as Vera began to stroke her hair as she nuzzled her neck and kissed her shoulder. Joan kissed her ear as she held her tight.

“Always with you, Vera.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope the end of that little trilogy arc for my vampire Joan and Vera was fun to read for this last chapter even though a lot of the story had a lot of sadness and feels to it. I tried to make this chapter more fun with smut but also emotional for them too. I'm not sure if I'll write anymore one shots or stories for the Memories From Before universe for right now. I feel I've written all I can based on the Joan and Vera from that series, but maybe in the future if ideas come up for it. But for now, I'll tentatively call this the last story for them. Hope people liked it and thank you for reading. <3


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